Romance Scammers: How to Spot One and What to Do

Most people you meet on a dating site are exactly who they appear to be: ordinary Australians hoping for good company. A few are not, and they are worth understanding, because romance scammers are remarkably predictable. They tend to follow a script, and once you have seen the script you will recognise it from a long way off.

Who Are These People?

A romance scammer is not after a partner. They want your money, or the personal and banking details that lead to it. Their messages can feel oddly polished and oddly generic at the same time, because so much of what they say is rehearsed. Being targeted says nothing about your judgement. They aim at kind, open people on purpose, and there is no shame in being approached by one.

The Warning Signs

They fall for you at speed
Pet names on day two, talk of a future together by the end of the week. Real feelings take longer to grow. The rush is the strategy: the more attached you feel, the easier the eventual request becomes.

They can never quite meet
A contract on an offshore rig, a military posting overseas, a medical mission somewhere remote. The job changes but the result is the same: no meeting, no video call, and a camera that is always mysteriously broken. Scamwatch lists endless reasons not to meet or video chat as a sign of a relationship scam.

Their details wobble
An accent or imperfect English proves nothing, since plenty of Australians speak another language at home. What matters is whether the story holds together. A supposed Perth local who cannot name a single nearby suburb, a late wife whose name keeps changing, an age that shifts between messages. Some scam scripts also lean on odd stock greetings such as "Hello Dear".

They want you off the site
An early push to move to WhatsApp, Telegram, text or email is a common move. Away from the site there is no report button, which suits them nicely. A genuine match will happily keep chatting here a little longer.

They want it kept quiet
If you are encouraged to keep the relationship secret from family and friends, ask yourself who benefits. Scammers much prefer you without a second opinion.

The profile looks like an advertisement
Photos that look professionally lit, or a profile that is almost empty, deserve a closer look. A reverse image search on a photo, or searching their name together with the word scam, can turn up a surprising amount.

Sooner Or Later, The Ask

Eventually money comes up. It might be a hospital bill, a parcel stuck at customs, a frozen bank account, or the airfare that will finally bring them to your door. Sometimes it is dressed up as a favour, such as receiving money into your account and passing it on, which can drag you into money laundering. And sometimes there is no request at first, just a friendly offer to show you how well they have done investing in cryptocurrency. Every version gets the same answer: no.

Trust Your Own Radar

You have spent sixty odd years reading people, and that skill still works through a screen. If something feels off, you do not need proof before you slow down or step away. A polite goodbye is optional.

Reporting A Profile

If anyone worries you, open their profile and use the report button, which looks like this:

You do not need to be certain. A report about something that turns out to be nothing costs nobody anything, while a scammer left alone simply moves on to the next person.

If money or personal details have already gone, act quickly and do not let embarrassment slow you down. Ring your bank or card provider straight away and ask them to stop any payments, then change your passwords. IDCARE, the national identity and cyber support service, offers free help on 1800 595 160. Then report the scam to Scamwatch, which is run by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC), so others can be warned.

You can read more on the Scamwatch website: relationship scams at scamwatch.gov.au. For tips on chatting and meeting safely, see our guide to staying safe dating over 60 in Australia.