5 Tips for Writing a Great First Message for Online Dating Over 60
Sending that first message is the part most people find hardest. You are writing to somebody you have never met, you have no idea how they will take it, and there is no tone of voice to help you out. The good news is that a first message doesn't have to be clever. It has to be short, warm, and clearly meant for them rather than for anybody. Here are five things that make the difference.
Mention something from their profile
"Hi, how are you?" usually gets deleted, because it could have been sent to anyone. Read the profile properly and pick one thing to respond to: a photo taken somewhere you recognise, a hobby they mention, a book on their list. Something along the lines of "I see you've taken up watercolours. How are you finding it? I tried pottery last year and every mug came out lopsided." A message like that could only have been written to that one person, and that is what gets a reply.
Keep it short
Three or four sentences is plenty. A long first message is a lot to answer, and it uses up everything you might have talked about later. Say hello, mention the thing you noticed, ask one question, sign off with your name. There is no prize for filling the box.
Give them something of you as well
A message made up entirely of questions reads like an interview. Offer a line about yourself so they have something to pick up on. One sentence will do it: what you got up to at the weekend, why their photo of the coast caught your eye, what you're halfway through reading. You know yourself well by this stage of life, which makes this easier than it was at twenty five.
Go easy with the humour
A bit of humour works well, and a light touch is best in writing, where there is no tone of voice to carry it. Gentle, and slightly at your own expense, is the safest ground. Steer clear of jokes about their looks, sarcasm that could land the wrong way, and anything off colour in a first message. If you're unsure how a line will read to a stranger, leave it out.
Finish with a question that's easy to answer
End with one open question they can reply to without much effort. "What sort of walking do you do?" works far better than "Tell me about yourself", which is a big ask of somebody who doesn't know you. One question, not five. You're starting a conversation, not filling in a form.
A few last things worth doing. Read it back before you send it, because typos are easy to make on a phone. Use their name if they've given one. And don't send the same message to twenty people, because it shows. If you don't hear back, that's normal and it's rarely anything to do with you. Move on to the next one, and keep it just as personal.
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